The News

Lara Stone is on the cover of this month’s Vogue and in the accompanying interview she talks about her battle with alcoholism and how she spent 4 weeks in Rehab this year. When we saw her at the Mulberry party at LFW, we did remark that she looked rather serious and sober, but this revelation would seem to explain her abstemious attitude. Also at that party was David Walliams – no surprises there as Walliams loves a good fashion bash – but here’s the surprise: according to the Daily Mail website, the pair have been "have been spending nights together watching TV and going out for secret dinners around London” and are “head-over-heels in love”. WTF? Okay I could deal with David Walliams sleazing on Abi Titmuss and Patsy Kensit, but Lara Stone aka the prettiest girl in the world?! This is the weirdest couple ever. I know that pretty girls often go for funny guys but why didn’t she choose Noel Fielding or my other The Portmanteau half’s crush, David Mitchell. Okay yeah I guess that would be pushing it. That would be the weirdest couple ever.

In other news, Suri Cruise has totally lost it. This time last year, we were so into her. I was obsessed with her little dresses and even cut my hair into a Suri-esque bob. But yeah we’re over it. Sorry Surs, but leggings under dresses are so 2 years ago and the freaking out in the ice-cream parlour incident was so not cool. In fact we have coined a new phrase – Pulling A Suri – which basically means that you go nuts/start crying uncontrollably for no particular reason. I’ll put that into a sentence for you: I was walking down Holland Park Avenue and a bus splashed me and then a cyclist shouted at me and I totally lost it and started bawling; basically I pulled a Suri.

Lara Stone in December's Vogue

Then We Came to The End

The September issues have hit the shelves, my traditional signifier that summer is officially O.V.E.R. And I can breathe a little easier. There was one dodgy period when the forecasters were frightening me with their talk of heatwaves, but thankfully that didn’t last for much more than a week. Yes, summer is over and I survived with my opaque tights still intact. I just don’t do summer – much more of an autumn / winter girl and there are so many treats to look forward to this season - The September Issue, scarves, The Sartorialist goes from blog to book, velvet, fashion week, Coco on the cover of Love, our first look at Dasha's Pop, autumn leaves on Holland Park Avenue, even woollier tights. I kinda knew it was all going to be fine when I saw the cover of July’s Vogue, usually the sunniest and therefore, for me, the worst issue of the year. But there were no scary cover lines proclaiming the Summer of Love, no swimsuits. Just Julianne Moore photographed by Alasdair McLellan in all her fiery, autumnal glory. But how did Alex and Co. capture the mood and sense that summer would be such a washout? If life at Vogue House ever gets too much, a career at the Met Office could be on the cards.

Sheer Silliness?

Christian Dior

Christian Lacroix

Black opaque tights have made getting dressed very easy for the past few years. Just pull on a pair (or I often resort to two pairs for extra cover) of M & S 80 deniers and forget about stubble, pasty skin and too short skirts. Simple. Obvs there are summer issues but heatwaves don’t last very long round these parts so there is no point devoting too much time and effort to fake tan and epilation ordeals.

However, the era of easy bottom-half dressing may be coming to an end. It seems that sheer tights, including the polka dot variety, are making a comeback. There were lots of sheer tights and stockings at Christian Dior and Christian Lacroix at haute couture week. And yes, I know that the haute couture catwalks aren’t exactly renowned for wearable styles but sheer tights were also featured in this month’s Vogue; on Lily Donaldson in a Patrick Demarchelier shoot that showcases the best of the Parisian autumn/winter collections and in the magazine’s more accessible pages – More Dash Than Cash.

Now this is worrying because sheer tights are actually far trickier to pull of than even bare legs. There is something about the pale greyish film of a pair of 10 or 20 denier hose that highlights the ruddiness of the knees and the thickness of the ankles. And so I think that for this reason, sheer tights will stay on the pages of magazines, rather than be something that is embraced by the masses. Then again, the popularity of crop tops and harem pants will testify to the fact that you can never underestimate people's willingness to jump on a trend bandwagon, however unflattering it may be.

Vogue August 2009

One shop we're not so fond of.....

The Mirror is today reporting that Sienna Miller was “airbrushed to within an inch of her life” for American Vogue’s September ‘07 cover according to the documentary, The September Issue. Like, duh. Sienna’s camp has sensibly responded to the furore, stating that Sienna is always airbrushed for magazine covers. Anybody who has ever stepped inside a newsagent will know that it is not only Sienna who has undergone some photoshopping for American Vogue. Kate Moss was barely recognisable when she graced the cover of the Age issue last August, her skin a creepy orange colour and her eyes devoid of any kind of life. I fully understand magazines retouching pictures to remove the odd spot or obliterate some downy fluff but when the subjects cease to look like themselves, you have to wonder if photoshopping has gone too far. The King of the retouching tool is Pascal Dangin - in one issue of US Vogue (March 2008) alone he doctored 107 ads and 36 editorial images along with rendering Drew Barrymore virtually unrecognizable on the cover. Magazines are quick to defend the practice, claiming that people don’t expect reality when they buy a fashion magazine. Alexandra Shulman has been quoted as saying “We are not in the business of portraying reality all the time and people buy magazines like Vogue in order to look at a kind of perfection.”

Fair enough, but the thing is I don’t find thinned noses, sharpened jaw lines and strangely elongated legs perfect. The most beautiful portraits of Kate Moss or Sienna Miller are not those in which they look the least real. The photos of Sienna and Savannah Miller in August 2007's British Vogue didn’t prompt feelings of envy at their perfection or a desire to rush out and buy the Twenty8Twelve clothes they were modelling, but rather a bewildered curiosity at how the retouching team thought that anybody would believe that those were actually Savannah’s thighs. The delicate and natural portraits by Corinne Day - a photographer famed for her raw style - were merely diluted by the overuse of photoshop.

Kate on the cover of American Vogue

Savannah Miller in British Vogue